Year 4 Blog

Year 4 Blog

Welcome to our blog

Here you will find weekly information for Sycamore and Maple Classes.

My mini story

JulyPosted by Year 4 Tue, July 11, 2017 11:26:51
Once there was a boy he was running excitedly down to the park.He was on his way when he was hungry,he had a,lime which was super sour.He was on a timer if he was not back in time he will,not go on holiday to Egypt.He was eating his lime when he heard twelve,ringing bells it was 12 o'clock.He had an hour acrding to the clock.He went home,started packing and got on the bout.As soon as they were moving he fell over bourd "ow ow a Rat bit me!" By Xanthie

Fill in only if you are not real

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Posted by cameron Mon, July 17, 2017 12:07:01

hi Xanthe, well done for getting all the words in your writing - that was clever! The only comment I have is that it became a bit tricky to read because some of your commas were in the wrong places. Also, boat is spelt incorrectly. I look forward to reading your next 100wc. :)

Posted by SweetPuppies Fri, July 14, 2017 10:16:33

WWW: Great story you described what the character was doing very well IBI: Try to add more powerful punctuation

Posted by Appletiger Fri, July 14, 2017 10:07:49

WWW: I thought your story was very interesting. EBI: it would be better if you said what the boy is called.

Posted by Nutellahorse Fri, July 14, 2017 09:45:48

WWW - this is a good story line. EBI - check your comers and spaces.

Posted by Puddingzebra Fri, July 14, 2017 09:38:55

Www- I like it how the boy is having a race against time Ebi- what the boys name?

Posted by Spaghetti kitten Fri, July 14, 2017 09:38:54

WWW- I like your adverb excitedly . EBI- Check your spelling on overboard and according.

Posted by Piespider Fri, July 14, 2017 09:37:50

WWW: there was good vocabulary EBI: you could check your first sentence to make shore it makes sense

Posted by WaterTiger Fri, July 14, 2017 09:35:15

WWW: I like the story in itself. EBI: You can improve your vocabulary, by doing this you will make your writing more powerful.

Posted by Pizzatiger Fri, July 14, 2017 09:31:18

Incredible story! WWW. Using the he word challenges well. I can't really think of an EBI? Fantastic story!

Posted by Icecreamtiger Fri, July 14, 2017 09:30:02

WWW I like how the story is set EBI your commas are in the wrong and the punctuation is wrong

Posted by Biscuitbear Fri, July 14, 2017 09:28:41

You could improve on your full stops and commas, apart from that it's a good story.

Posted by Teapig Fri, July 14, 2017 09:28:36

In the story after a full stop you should put a space.

Posted by Egg monkey Fri, July 14, 2017 09:27:02

I like your vocabulary but instead of opening sentences with he or as you could start with an adverb.

Posted by Mint dolphin Fri, July 14, 2017 09:25:51

You did well you need to improve on your commas.

Posted by Jellyspider Fri, July 14, 2017 09:23:06

What went well- I thought this was very interesting. Even better if- you could have put however he will not go on holiday.

Posted by TacoLion Fri, July 14, 2017 09:20:53

WWW: I like how the story moved easily EBI: At the end, the speech always should start with a capital letter, so it should be "Ow ow a Rat bit me!"

Posted by Chocofish Fri, July 14, 2017 09:17:37

I liked you're idea of you're story but there is one little mistake with you're ending. You said that you went overboard by a rat biting you, that doesn't really make sense

Posted by Mrs Boyce Thu, July 13, 2017 13:06:32

Hi Xanthie, It wasn't his lucky day I think! Hopefully he was rescued and made a speedy recovery. Good work. Mrs Boyce Ireland

Posted by Cheese panda Thu, July 13, 2017 09:58:57

WWW- it was quite exciting and interesting EBI- you could maybe correct your spellings and language

Posted by Sugar leopard Thu, July 13, 2017 09:58:28

Www- good story board EBI- spellings

Posted by PancakePanda Thu, July 13, 2017 09:57:06

I really like the idea! Howether, you need to watch your punctuation.

Posted by Aaliyah Tue, July 11, 2017 21:29:53

I really like the story and the idea, but you put all your commas in the wrong places. With the twelve ringing bells you stopped and put it at twelve, those are one word. It should be He was eating his lime when he heard twelve ringing bells, it was 12 o'clock. But i did like the idea of the story and good story mountain. But i also saw some spelling mistakes with bout it's boat and bourd its board.