Year 4 Blog

Year 4 Blog

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Here you will find weekly information for Sycamore and Maple Classes.

100 word challenge

JulyPosted by Year 4 Tue, July 11, 2017 11:48:43
Just last night I heard a man screaming out side . I hurried to the window to see what was going on . I saw a man being chucked overboard and a lime fell out of his pocket . Then I heard a sckurry I turned around ... and I saw a rat in my room ! So I ran down the stairs as the clock turned midnight . I excitedly woke up my mum and dad . They hurried up into my room and killed the rat with rat apray . Then we ran out of the house and saved the man . Then we lived happily ever after the end.

by Michael

Fill in only if you are not real

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Posted by Armani Mon, July 17, 2017 16:30:05

The story was good I liked it . I liked the lime part. It was hilarious with the lime part.

Posted by Appletiger Fri, July 14, 2017 10:13:44

WWW: I like the start of your story because it makes people want to read on. EBI: You could of made it a better ending.

Posted by SweetPuppies Fri, July 14, 2017 10:11:18

IBI: What you need to improve is not rushing the story and your ending. I do know you only have 100 words but the story went to quick you have got to add a little extras in the middle. Try and improve your ending. WWW: You have added all the words and your punctuation is great and spelling is correct well done!

Posted by Pizza dog Fri, July 14, 2017 10:09:30

IBI maybe you could put in a different ending like the man recovered. WWW it was a brilliant start I was excited to read on .

Posted by Spaghetti kitten Fri, July 14, 2017 09:46:49

I WWW- I like how you've opened the story with the subordinate clause Just last night . EBI- Check your spelling on scurry and you could have ended the story a bit better .

Posted by Water tiger Fri, July 14, 2017 09:44:12

WWW: I like the story itself. EBI: Make the end of the story more exited.

Posted by Piespider Fri, July 14, 2017 09:41:29

WWW: the first sentence made me want to read on EBI: you could change happily ever after the end to a cliff hanger

Posted by Puddingzebra Fri, July 14, 2017 09:41:10

Www- the sense of humour and confusion. Ebi- change the happily ever after.

Posted by Chocofish Fri, July 14, 2017 09:31:44

I liked you're idea but the ending was a bit boring so you could improve that. Good work.

Posted by Jellyspider Fri, July 14, 2017 09:28:46

What went well- I loved the start of the story because it made me want to read on. Even better if- maybe you could change they live happily ever after the end.

Posted by Mashbee Fri, July 14, 2017 09:27:49

Www- the idea of a man falling overboard then a rat appearing Ebi-you could include some verbs qnd adjectives

Posted by PancakePanda Fri, July 14, 2017 09:25:35

WWW: a really incredible story with good vocabulary. EBI: don't use I and Then so much to open your sentences! Maybe some fronted adverbials.

Posted by Sugar leopard Fri, July 14, 2017 09:22:44

www- I like the ellipsis EBI- you don't use so many eyes.

Posted by Nutellahorse Fri, July 14, 2017 09:19:02

WWW-This is a good story I like your punctuation EBI- try not to use I so much and see if there's a different ending you can use

Posted by Pizzatiger Fri, July 14, 2017 09:16:58

Wow, incredible story! WWW. Great story board EBI. Maybe use more interesting openers for you sentences. But still AMAZING!

Posted by Mrs Boyce Thu, July 13, 2017 13:09:22

Wow Michael - what a busy night you had. You seem to be a real live HERO. Well done! Good work this week. Mrs Boyce Ireland

Posted by SausageRhino Thu, July 13, 2017 10:01:06

WWW You did well just make sure your not using to much repetition. EBI And it wasn't a fairy tale so we lived happily ever after, you might wanna change that!

Posted by AppleFlamingo Thu, July 13, 2017 09:58:58

What went well- I like the main body, what I mean is that I liked the storyline. Even better if- You can improve the ending as it is quite boring. Well done.

Posted by Biscuitbear Thu, July 13, 2017 09:58:51

EBI: it would be better if you didn't use so many 'I'

Posted by TacoLion Thu, July 13, 2017 09:58:08

WWW: I like how you used elipsis. EBI: You could have used a different ending instead of Then we lived happily ever after the end.